A Foothills guidance counsellor hopes to get parents thinking twice before using expressions like “man up” and “be a man” around their teenage boys.
Paulette Morck at Oilfields High School said she sees the effect these type of comments have on students and is concerned.
“When you’re saying to a sensitive boy, ‘be a man’ you are telling him the way he is isn’t right, that it’s not acceptable,” said Morck. “That can be quite damaging.”
That’s why Morck is striving to get parents to recognize how powerful their words can be.
“I work with kids and so do my colleagues where we are dealing with anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts because these kids don’t feel like they fit in,” she said. “They are knocked down daily being told they are not made correctly.”
Morck is inviting parents to watch the film The Mask You Live In Feb. 4 at 7 p.m.
The 2005 movie addresses North America’s definition of masculinity, the struggles around it and provides statistics that show adolescent boys are more likely than girls to be diagnosed with behaviour disorders, fail school, binge drink, commit crimes and attempt suicide.
It follows a group of boys and young men as they struggle to be true to themselves while living with this stereotype.
“It’s really important to be thinking about gender stereotypes and for those kids that don’t necessarily fit into those stereotypes, if you’re a coach or parent or teacher or raising those types of kids, it’s making sure you’re meeting their needs,” said Morck. “It’s about challenging those things and getting kids to recognize that who they are is okay.”
Following the film, Morck, a male Turner Valley RCMP officer and Oilfields teacher Conor Hart, will answer questions and provide their own comments.
Also attending is a facilitator with the Calgary Sexual Health Centre’s WiseGuyz, a weekly program for junior high boys that addresses the issues young men face and gives them tools to engage in healthy relationships.
“There is going to be times in the movie where parents will be like, ‘I’ve used those words and I’ve said those things,’” said Morck.
“They might need to ask some questions and talk about what they saw.”
Hart faced those types of stereotype all of his life, having grown up in a famed-professional wrestling family.
“For me as a kid growing up I was a small, wiry, lanky guy,” he said. “I grew up with those guys as legends all over North America. The ideal masculine man was these big super-hero looking guys that could bench press a Volkswagon and overcome all obstacles and save the girl at the end of the day kind of thing.”
Hart feels lucky that his dad supported his interests rather than pressuring him to pursue wrestling.
“My dad wanted me to do something I would enjoy, be confident with who I was and my abilities, not focus on how I look even though he was a professional wrestler and all of my uncles were professional wrestlers,” he said.
Hart said he sees many young boys struggling with body image and lack of confidence.
“One of the reasons I went into teaching is everybody is not lucky enough to have parents like my dad was,” he said. “I could instill confidence and make the kids more comfortable with who they are by modeling it and reinforcing it and having conversations. You can usually recognize just through conversations that this person is someone who needs to talk or needs that positive mentorship. It’s empowering as a teacher to see that and know you can make a difference.”
The school’s junior high students will watch the youth version of the movie throughout the week and engage in class discussions, said Morck.
She hopes The Mask You Live In creates a realization for more than one generation next week.
“It’s that old school of thinking that men are men and boys will be boys,” she said. “When boys get into a fight in the schoolyard it’s ‘boys will be boys.’ Why do we have to excuse that? Why do we have to be okay with that? What about those kids that don’t fit into that, where do they end up?”
Morck would like these old-fashioned attitudes eliminated.
“It’s about holding kids accountable for their behaviours,” she said. “That it’s not okay to treat people badly, it’s not okay to push and shove, it’s not okay to sexualize women. I think it will make a difference because if parents, coaches, teachers and all of us that are with young people stop and think about the language we use, the way that we treat young men, the things that we expect of them - if we can just switch that a little bit - I think we would be in a really cool place.”
Those interested in attending must RSVP at www.Bit.ly/OHSmask
Donations will be accepted for the school’s breakfast program.
A similar event will be held at the school in early March addressing stereotypes around beauty over brains targeted at adolescent girls.