I think I am allergic to modern conveniences.
Either that or many of these new gadgets simply do not like the looks of me and refuse to work when I walk into the room.
For example, the touchless water taps and paper towel dispensers in public washrooms.
I know they are meant to be more sanitary, but is it really helping anyone if they are as reliable as an AMC Pacer?
Honestly, is it just me or do they simply not work?
Are they simply a coy way to conserve water because they never actually dispense any water? Was this part of the Kyoto Accord agreement or perhaps this is in the fine print of the Okotoks Sustainability Policy.
They have become such a phobia for me I refuse to use a public washroom unless it is empty.
You see once I go to wash my hands the water never turns on — I mean never.
At first I patiently run my hands under the tap hoping to activate the sensor.
When the gentle approach to turning on the water does not work (and it never works) I go to option number two which is to frantically flail my hands under the tap like I am shooing away a phantom swarm of African killer bees.
I am sure if anyone walked into the washroom they would think I was having a seizure.
Usually I just use some soap and spit on my hands in hopes to get up a lather of some sort.
That is unless it is a touchless soap dispenser and then well, don’t shake my hand at the pub.
If by some miracle I did get some soap and water I then turn to see a touchless towel machine or air dryer.
At this point I may start to cry.
I will start the ritual all over again swinging my hand in front of the infernal towel rack like I was a tai chi instructor on a speed.
Why bother really because I know I am just going to end up wiping my hands on my pants anyway.
So, if you see me in the men’s room looking like I am in epileptic shock — take pity and give me some of your hand sanitizer.
