If you are of the millennial generation, chances are you are no stranger to a good, old-fashioned existential crisis. Welcome to mine, let’s rap for a minute.
I haven’t figured out if there’s a reason for this theme among our people; whether it’s written in the stars under that Scorpio Pluto or if it’s just that we watched too much trauma-inducing TV as children.
My most recent existential crisis was (once again) contemplating the purpose of life.
I have many questions about life, most of which I’m quite certain will remain questions until (or beyond) the point that I am nourishment for a bed of daisies.
What are we meant to get out of this whole human experience gig? Sure, sure, I know: “Life’s what you make it!” But what should I make it?
Part of me believes that our lives should be rich with learning experiences, but this theme lends itself to much discomfort (as the learning process is usually non-linear and bumpy at best). This means those of us who find ourselves, shall we say, predisposed to melancholy, may find the human experience taxing.
Others have said that our purpose in life is to create joy for ourselves and others, to stop and smell the roses, find those moments of warmth and comfort and revel in them.
I’m sure it's probably some layered, multi-dimensional, mishmash of all the potential answers we could come up with. It’s just hard sometimes not to feel like I’m missing the point. I have a history of being an A+ student who's a wee bit competitive, so sometimes I feel like I’m trying to ‘win’ at life. I want to do a good job. When my little soul leaves my withered body one day and joins the stars, I want to feel like I did what I came to do. If that’s even a thing.
I also wonder how much control we have over the impact we make during our stay on this rotating sphere. Our perception of ourselves will never truly match those who have an outer perception of us. So regardless of our intention to live life a certain way, it’s possible we won’t leave the memories behind that we want to leave.
I read a book recently called The Collected Regrets of Clover and it inspired me to start doing some outreach. I want to create more connection in my local community, as well as my personal network. I want to know what others feel is important. I want to collect the advice and experiences of people, in particular our elders. I feel inspired to ask questions and learn what sorts of things create lasting memories for those who have occupied their bodies for upwards of 70-plus years.
I have no idea what will feel important to me when I’m wrinkled and wise. I can only hope to do right by myself, to leave this life with more warm memories than regrets. In the meantime, I will do my best to be able to hold space and listen to those around me that are willing to share their stories — and integrate their wisdom into my own life. Existential crisis be damned.
